Wandering Back Onto The Track

Hello, Derby Lovers…

It has been a pathetically long time since I updated, and for that I hang my head in shame. While the initial purpose of the blog was to document the trials and tribulations of learning to become a Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby Referee, I would be lying if I said I had nothing to write about once I got rolling.

Roc City Roller Derby, after being accepted as full members of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA), decided to extend the Travel Season from Fall of 2011 through the summer of 2012; so that we could participate in the required number of sanctioned bouts to earn quarterly rankings through Q4. That provided for a lot of travel, a lot of practice, a lot of networking, and no little bit of stress, frustration, and exhaustion. There was, however, a great deal of Derby Love and camaraderie, and I fell in love with stripes and 8 wheels.

I skated a few travel bouts as Inside Pack Ref, but more importantly… in October I skated my first bout as Jammer Ref; and damn if I didn’t do a pretty decent job for my first time out. This was also a very significant event for me because I would end up being off-skates because of elective surgery.

Twelve weeks ago today I underwent a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy to treat fibroids. Fibroids are tissue masses that develop on and around the uterine walls. I had many, and they were large. They were the root of my anemic condition, they were causing discomfort, and left untreated they would cause issues with my kidneys and/or bladder.

Total Abdominal means a horizontal slice across my lower abdomen of approximately 16.5 cm. I was out of work for 4 weeks. Here’s the kicker: I was back on skates, per my surgeon’s volunteered OK, at 8 weeks. I’m back to referee practices on Tuesday nights, and I’ve scrimmaged for the last 3 Thursdays; 2 times as OPR and last night as IPR.

I won’t lie, it hasn’t been easy. I occasionally experience those “time to slow down a little bit there, kiddo” pains… though are less frequent and less intense. I have to rebuild my endurance and my flexibility… and add in the adoption of a new Rules Set and yeah… I’ve become a little gun shy. I get frustrated at having difficulty with things that were easy peasy 6 months ago… and I have to constantly remind myself that I had major invasive surgery 3 months ago and I’m already back on skates and pulling my weight around the track.

I’m grateful to my league, and my fellow 19^th Wardens, and my friends and family who have been so supportive with anything from bringing me food and keeping me company to driving me around to sending me care packages to loaning me material to prepare for surgery to even just a phone call, text, or email to say “hi, thinking about you and wanting you better soonest.”  And I’m grateful for the sport of Flat Track Roller Derby for giving me a reason to heal swiftly and completely… to get better and get stronger so that I can get back into it. I’m grateful to be a Derby Referee.

pic courtesy of pixel8

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I Am My Own Worst Brick Wall

Last month the postings from the Philly Roller Girls started popping up around Valentine's Day that ECDX 2012 registration was LIVE, and to get on it!

I reposted it on Facebook, like a good little FB Junkie...

...and all of a sudden it's a month later and I'm only just getting around to submitting my application, 2 days before the "general cut off." Apparently starting on 3/29 they're only accepting applications for people participating in the Officiating Clinic the Thurs/Fri before ECDX.

Yeah... not too optimistic that I'll get selected... especially to referee. Don't get me wrong, I'll be happy to NSO for ECDX as well, no doubt! I just let life and work and emotional roller coasters distract me; and if not for a reminder on the Wardens' list yesterday I would have completely let it pass me by. :(

 I finished updating my Referee Resume (as much as I could, anyway... I swear I wanted to be better about keeping track). That I know/have/recall... I've got about 20 bouts under my belt... 19 of them OPR, 1 IPR;  6 of them Sanctioned, 5 regulation... and 1 tournament (I need to go back through and clean up that list, I'm sure some of that is wrong). Somehow I'm guessing that won't be enough for an ECDX-nod... but maybe my NSO experience will still get me a golden ticket... and maybe I won't be black-listed for having had to bail last summer on account of being sans gainful employment.

My thing is... I can't afford to just gallivant down to Feasterville, PA just because. The Officiating Clinic is Thurs & Fri, I can't afford to just "hang around" and "spectate," which would hurt and crush a lot... and make for not-so-much carpooling and maybe group-rated rooms and stuff... logistically a PITA.

I guess I'll just keep an eye on the inbox for the next week or so. I won't be able to register for the clinic anyway until NYS takes their yearly arm & leg... so that will pretty much define what goes on at the end of June for me.

Pardon my preemptive sulking.

Wherein Instant Gratification Girl Whines Because She Doesn’t Get Something Right Away

This season I have started training in Inside Pack and Jam Referee positions. I need to get out of my comfort zone, i.e. Outside Pack Ref.

I have been doing ok with IPR, I’m still having spatial challenges; judging 10-ft vs 20-ft and remembering which is Out of Play vs what constitutes no Pack… and actually issuing the appropriate penalties when these things occur (something that’s carrying over to Outside Pack, but I’ll get to that later).

Some practices are definitely better than others, I’m not completely ashamed and ready to put my head through a wall; but I am often frustrated because I’m recognizing my limitations and failings but not grokking how to overcome them.  I don’t know how to fix the issues, I don’t know how to exercise my “Perception of Pack Definition” beyond just doing it at scrimmage.

Case(s) in point:

O> Fencing – when learning to fence, and “fine-tuning” technique… there are many things to work on and practice. There are parry drills, range & lunging drills, slow-motion combinations, footwork, and more.

O> Tai chi – open hand or sword (or any weapon form… and any martial art, really). There are specific Forms and sets; defined postures and angles and strikes and combinations to practice and repeat and fine-tune.

O> Vocal Performance – learning the notes and the tempo, learning intonation and pronunciation, where to take a breath, where to sustain a note… when to be loud, when to be soft, how to convey the emotion of the piece or the moment in the piece, how to “tell the story” the music

The key element to these things is that there are things I can do on my own to practice and fine-tune… I can do the Yang 24 Form in my living room and repeat a section over and over. I can suspend a tennis ball on a string from my ceiling and lunge at it with my rapier repeatedly to work on accuracy and calibration. I can listen to recordings and practice tapes and pluck out notes on a keyboard or read through lyrics out loud to memorize a piece and fine-tune.

I don’t know how to do these things on my own for Refereeing. I don’t know what I can do at home to teach my eyes and brain to recognize The Pack and when there is No Pack and when someone is Out of Play. The only time and means by which to work and drill and practice at this is at Referee Practice, or in Scrimmage. And Practice or Scrimmage time isn’t my time, it isn’t about me and my needs and my learning style… it’s about all of the referees; or the referees and the teams skating and the NSOs learning their duties. 

I try watching bout video and highlight reels and the like; but it isn’t the same. The Perspective isn’t the same, I’m sitting still in front of my computer instead of trying to keep up with a pack of skaters and dodge other refs and NSOs (and skaters).

I’m frustrated because I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to get better. What we accomplish at practice and scrimmage is good; but it isn’t enough for me, and that’s on me… it’s my mental block that I need to overcome but I don’t know how.

The big thing here? Needing to fix the problem behind closed doors, without an audience, without judging eyes, without the [irrational] fear of mockery and disdain. I want to "fuck up" on my own and learn how to fix it; then go back out in public and do it right... but you can't really do that with Derby. And yes, I know, it's all in my head and people aren't laughing and mocking and judging me as a shit referee--  but it's how I feel and what I fear nonetheless.

 

And this brings me to Jam Refereeing. I don’t like Jam Reffing. I don’t like it. At all. I do not enjoy it. At all. I recognize that I need to learn how to do it; I need to at least become proficient in it if I expect to go anywhere or be anything in the Realm of Zebra… if I ever hope to achieve my Certifications and skate with the Big Zeebs.

I am stuck in a vicious circle of my own making. I have a severe mental block in regard to Jam Reffing… I don’t like it, and because I don’t like it whenever I take the line I am fighting myself… and getting frustrated when I make mistakes and miss things and screw up scoring or call a low block major on someone who tripped her own jammer. And these frustrations make me not like Jam Reffing. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I don’t like Jam Reffing, and I bring that dislike to the line and it influences my ability learn how to do the job. So how do I learn to like Jam Reffing?? Or at least appreciate it enough to let me learn how to do my job?

The worst part is, much of this frustration is carrying over into Outside Pack Reffing... and now I'm second-guessing myself or missing things because I'm too busy mulling over something else that I did wrong or feeling overall less effective than I thought I was. Even in my comfort zone I'm feeling less confident... the only things I still seem to have going for me is (for the most part) being able to keep up with the pack and yelling loud enough for people on the inside to hear me. Beyond that, I almost feel like I'm going backwards and devolving as a Ref. 

Yes, I am unreasonably hard on myself. I recognize this. It is my nature and I’m just too old and set in my ways to go changing that now. The problem is, generally if I’m extremely frustrated with myself because I can’t get something right… I go and fix it… I practice and drill and repeat and repeat and eventually I fix the problem; but now I don’t know how to fix it and it frustrates me to tears.  I fear the much needed epiphany is a bit out of reach this time… and it makes me a sad little Zebra, indeed.

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Skating into 2012

Today I'm actually gearing up for my 3rd bout of 2012... which is technically RCRD's "Extended Travel Season."

Now that we're a WFTDA (Women's Flat Track Derby Association)  league, we needed to come up with a way to adjust our schedule to match the WFTDA ranking schedule.

Other WFTDA leagues are playing for rankings and fighting for the invitation to Regional Tournament play; and then usually have a "Home Season" in the Fall (provided they aren't tourneying). Our schedule was "backwards," so we had to find a way to bring it in line with WFTDA play... so we extend the travel season through the summer, and start the home season in late summer/early fall.

Anyway, so we've had three bouts thus far... one away (Ottawa, Roc Stars vs Rideau Valley), one at home (double header... B-Sides vs Worcester Roller Derby and Roc Stars vs Tri-City Thunder), and this past weekend the Roc Stars traveled to Toronto to take on CN Power (I didn't skate that bout).

It is the opinion of many that I have proven myself to be a proficient Outside Pack Referee. Which means I need to start working on other positions... especially if I'm going to try and skate at East Coast Derby Extravaganza (ECDX) in June. I actually really like skating OPR, I will happily learn Inside Pack but I really do not want to be a Jam Referee. Eventually I will need to, I recognize this... but doesn't mean I have to like it. ~pout~

Anyway, we have a heavy schedule for the next few months, and I will definitely get my share of skate time. This weekend we're traveling to Long Island for a Double Header (B-Sides & Roc Stars vs LIRR). There's a little bit of pressure, to be sure... we (the refs) will be skating alongside refs from Gotham. I'm not concerned tho, at least... not yet ;) I shared the Outside with Trickster at Empire Skate Showdown, and we had a grand old time (especially because he kept threatening to steal my DERBY socks). In two weeks RCRD's returning to RIT's Gordon Field House to take on the Ithaca SufferJets... and then that next morning (Sunday AM) our Quarriors (Roc Quarry - skaters in training or who haven't been rostered to a team yet) will be scrimmaging against Ithaca's Bluestockings. 

I suppose I should come up with more Deep Thoughts On Being a Referee and such, but my mind just isn't very focused right now... too many non-Derby life issues are bombarding me at once and I'm not really dealing as effectively as I normally do. So, I'll just leave you with this awesome photo from the Tri City bout taken by my friend Bob.

photo courtesy of Pixel8

Free Nikon D90 Camera Giveaway

Well, I actually had some serious Derby thoughts on my mind as I got ready for work this AM... which preempted the general "state of me in regard to my life in Derby" post that I've been putting off...

however even the serious Derby thoughts have been preempted by the need to BE IN IT TO WIN IT! And in this case, by "IT" I'm referring to a New Nikon D90 Camera.

You may or may not not know how much I've been coveting a DSLR. I love love LOVE my Canon a590-IS, I really do... but I know more and more that there's so much MORE I can do with a DSLR, and I want to learn and I want to play and make really really pretty pictures... and maybe stand a slightly better chance of sharing with the rest of the world the wonder that I see in it everyday.

So, this is my official Entry post, on my blog, to say "I'd really really like to be the one selected to win the Nikon D90 Camera" :)

This giveaway is most generously being via Oh So Posh Photography, and I spied the giveaway via a friend's post on Facebook. I have been a little "nosy" and started perusing the site, and I do very much like what I see...

I think what's touched me most is her story of how and why she got into photography, and what it means to her. Very inspiring, and something that may influence my Goals for 2012 (or at least inspire me to reassess what I think should be goals for 2012). Giveaway notwithstanding... give her site a look-see.

Summer of Derby Love, Coming to a Close...

Well good day to you, Derby Fans!

Yes, I know… 2 months and 12 days later, an update. What can I say? This summer has been turbulent, erratic, unpredictable, frustrating, inspiring, and in general… an “Interesting Time” in the Chinese sense.

The one constant has been Roller Derby, mostly because I needed a constant, and I needed Derby.  I wasn’t able to attend ECDX, and I was very upset about that. I had managed to land a contract position as a Desktop Support Tech at Frontier Corp about 2 weeks before ECDX; but with my budget as precarious as it was, and no vacation time because of it being a contract position (and ECDX falling on my first week) I wasn’t going to try and swing it. Gotta act like an adult sometimes, I suppose.

I heard a lot of great stories, and watched some of the footage via the Live Stream… and am determined to make the trip next year.

I did skate in my first double-header, tho… and I’m skating in my first tournament in Long Island on Sept 3^rd at the Empire Skate Showdown2011. And yes, I did skate at Enchanted Mountain… and also took my OPR Act International and skated in Hammer City (Hamilton, ONT).

The best news is, I am now gainfully employed in a full-time position, with benefits. I’m working at RIT, in the Image Permanence Institute as a Product Support Technician… the team is great, supportive, fun, accepting, quirky, and welcoming… and accepting of my Derby habit.  In fact, a bit of my interview with the team involved an explanation of how Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby worked… and not even of my doing… they asked!

As far as where I am in Referee Development? My immediate bit of accomplishment is shaving another minute off of my 10 in 1:35. Last night I finished in 1:40… and that was with being in an anemic state thanks to Day 2 of “Sucks to be Female” week.  5 more seconds… I just need to scrape off 5 more seconds.

I am desperately working on being more agile on skates; particularly with starts and stops. Skating OPR, there are a lot of starts, stops, reversals, explosive accelerations, etc because of pack strategies; and frankly the RCRD teams are intentionally all over the place as they fight to control the pack. I’ve been refining a quick turn that starts with a plow stop and reverse, merges into what’s basically a half Tomahawk on the left toe-stop; while the right foot starts a toe-stop run in the opposite direction. It’s kind of convoluted to explain, or break down… but when I’m trying to keep up with the pack or rush back into position to pick up the pack on the next pass it’s a bit more fluid and becomes second nature. I’d be interested to see if there’s any footage of it; and see what it actually looks like. The downside is a LOT of wear on my left toe-stop… which is the one that consistently tends to work itself loose anyway… to the point that the left toe-stop is now amusingly misshapen. So on occasion the toe-stop rotates in such a way that when I try this little quick stop & reverse it catches weird and my foot tries to slide out from under me; or the toe-stop doesn’t catch at all and I end up rolling in an odd arc until I can right myself.

The biggest thing with this (and my reverses in general) is that I still take up a lot of real estate to do it. I do a wide plow-stop, my reverses are wide (there are times when I feel like I manage to take up the entire 10-ft safety zone!) but my feet tend to migrate back to shoulder’s width by the time I’m stopping. I suppose it isn’t a big deal; since I’m not stopping within a pack… but I think a tighter rotation would just look better, you know?

There are countless other skills I will need to work on; not just skating but actual Referee positions. I’ve been working a little with Inside Pack Ref and Jammer Ref, I don’t foresee skating as a JR before the end of the year… and frankly I’m ok with that. I am still having some Out-Of-Play vs In-Play recognition issues… I haven’t quite figured out what my mental “ON” switch is for that, yet… but it’s something to work on. For now, I know I’m skating OPR for 1 bout at ESS… I may be NSOing, the schedule hasn’t been released yet. So I’ve got a week and a bit to get my brain in the game; even with quirky practice stuff going on. I know I can do the job well; I just need to be consistent about it.

 photo courtesy of Derek Lang

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Back On [The] Track

Greetings, readers! As I sit here pondering sleep it occurs to me that I haven't updated the Life of Lois DeGogh for a while, so I shall endeavor to update... or faceplant onto the keyboard, whichever happens first ;)

o-> My skating skills are improving, and I'm definitely feeling the progress... as well as it being observed by others. A few weeks ago we did a "for fun" time trial and then endurance laps... this time it was the 10 laps in 1:35 and number of laps in 10 minutes. I skated my 10 laps in 1:41... taking off about 8 seconds from the last time I tried it. I started the 10 minute endurance skate but bowed out after 5 minutes. I was tired, my knee was achy, and I still was winded from the 10/1:35.

The week after we attempted some agility skating. This was a bit of a challenge because it was incredibly humid that day and the floor at Horizon Fun F/X was almost as slick as Oswego's sweaty concrete floor. Rather that attempting more time trials and such, reflmao decided to set up the 5 cone circuit. I was so ecstatically pleased with my Atom Poisons... I did a bunch of laps to try and get a feel for the floor and what was and was not working (toe stops? notsomuch. Tomahawks? only if you planned on sliding about 4 feet before you started to stop. and so on).  So we did the cone circuit... they were set up as 4 corners and a center cone, the object was to skate a pattern around all 4 cones; from center out then around the center to the next and so-on. We each went at least 2x, and I'm happy to say that besides Coach Awesome I'm pretty sure I ended with the best time of 20:03 sec. (I completely lost the pattern the 3rd time and decided I was happy with my time). Awesome hopped most of the pattern and came in with 18 sec. I didn't quite hop, but instead of the longer full strides I did a lot of smaller strides and walked the crossovers around the cone instead of trying to lean into a turn around them.

Then we tried some turns + tomahawks, which was challenging... and then I think we just called it a night.

o-> I'm still unemployed, but I've secured the insurance coverage via XSI Sport Insurance. It's accident coverage, but it isn't just for Roller Derby activities... if I  trip over the cat because she's crouching on the stairs and I fall down and break my leg; I've still got coverage. So at least for the time being, I'm still legal to skate.

o-> I am not going to ECDX 2011. Here's a snippet of what I posted on LiveJournal earlier today:

Since I brought it up, Roller Derby continues apace... I am in love with it... and last night I ref'd in a rather big bout... Home Team Championship Bout. I am becoming a competent referee... my skating skills are improving... and my endurance is growing.  As of this morning I have also lost 45 lbs since August 2009 (back down to pre-surgery weight of 2005)... that 'number' is not that impressive but it is significant in the fact that there is muscle, that I am stronger, that I feel fantastic and healthy and confident and empowered.  I am 40 years old (well, have been since 5/19), and for the first time in a very long time I feel athletic.

I am saddened tho, because the weekend of 6/24-26 there is a pretty huge Derby Weekend happening in Philadelphia... and I'd signed up to volunteer as a Non Skating Official (hadn't had Referee experience yet) and was accepted, so I had free admission and free food during then event... but once I got laid off I had concerns about getting down there, where I was staying, and getting back (and eating outside the event, pocket cash, etc). I knew the league had budgeted $$ for folks to go but I didn't have details on how it would work, what would be covered when, etc... and when I was still unemployed with no prospects by 6/3 I emailed the organizers and bowed out.  

Even now, finding out that the hotel is booked/paid for by the league and I could carpool with someone since mileage was being reimbursed... I won't contact the organizers and see if I can get back on the list. It's just an extra thing; as much as I want to go it would be irresponsible of me to try... Love of Derby or not.

This has caused even stronger feelings of anger and resentment towards the upper management at LeChase; because this was something I had been looking forward to since January (or whenever I'd registered for it). My plans and desires dashed against the rocks of disappointment because upper management wanted more money in their pockets and Tech Consultants they could manipulate and take advantage of and because of that pushed Mitch to kill the relationship between Info Advantage and LeChase. I am just collateral damage, and I know they could care less about my plans and desires... but it still pisses me off.

o-> Yesterday we had a Double-Header, final bout of the Home Season. First Bout was between the 5-H8-5s and a Compilation Team (victory to the H8rs), and the Second was a Championship Battle between the Rottenchesters and the Midtown Maulers (Rotties with the win).  I worked the Inside White Board for the first bout, and skated OPR for the 2nd.

I was a little concerned during the first half because I wasn't seeing anything from the Outside... or rather, what I did see to call was already called in by an IPR or the OPR behind me (90°Johnson). I didn't know if I wasn't seeing anything because there wasn't much to see... or because I wasn't looking in the right place and missing things.  Psi'd Kick (I think?) commented afterwards that the first half was very clean, and then started to get "messy" in the 2nd half.

I did have a moment of "go me" at what I believe ended up being the last or second to last jam of the bout... the Rotties' Jammer was skating along the outside line and got bumped out of bounds and ended up cutting another skater, I glanced up and found the Jam Ref (Psi'd Kick) and signaled the cut, he confirmed through eye and hand signal that it was for his Jammer... and then stuff happened and the Jam ended and I think the bout ended.  Per Psi'd Kick, that was exactly the kind of OPR<->JR communication he was looking for and needed... which tells me that I'm getting better about my placement in the pack and communication to the inside.

I have an opportunity to skate as a Ref for a new league in the Southern Tier on the 18th, I haven't heard anything more about it yet, or if other Wardens are considering it (save for the Sinister Minister offering to NSO and drive). I realize I'll end up missing a certain shindig, but I really want to start getting more Ref experience in.

I guess it's also time to start working on IPR. Pack definition is kind of my bane right now. I mean, we're talking about someone who parallel parks their Pontiac Vibe like it's a Lincoln Navigator or grabs a quart-size container for what ends up being 2 cups of leftovers. I have some visual measurement/perspective issues. Maybe I need to invite myself to a team practice when they're using marked/knotted ropes to practice pack spacing or something.

o-> I need to figure out where I want to start skating outside. Since I'm home during the day, traffic isn't that bad so I could just skate along the streets of Riverton... there is a bike/running trail; but there is one specific spot with a sharp downhill drop and a right-angle turn... and from what I remember last summer there are a horde of chilluns who liked to play along there. Oh well, I'll be wearing my pads ;)

I want to get more skate time in, and get out of the house and away from the computer and Job Sites and FB and all that. My shoulder still bothers me at times but I need to start working out in earnest again... especially now that I've hit the 45 lb mark. Besides, I'm pail for a brown girl, and need to get me some healthy infusions of Vitamin D. That will probably do wonders for my sleep schedule and my mood as well... Vitamin D does make for an awesome anti-depressant, afterall :D  For now, sleep is sounding like an awfully fabulous idea so... signing off!

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