Big Changes, New Directions, New Adventures

I'm reviving the Blog; but before I start adding content here are some highlights: 

• I retired from Roller Derby at the beginning of 2017
  
  
• I matriculated as a part-time student in the Museum Studies program. I currently have 9 courses remaining before earning my BS (/snort)
  
  
• I dipped a toe back into the SCA in 2017 and even went to Pennsic. Full-time work + Part-time school left little time for much in the way of recreation
  
  
• I rescued a stray cat in 2017. He was a stray and seduced me with his Most Handsome Face. His name is Boy-Kitty Jonesy, and he's my constant joy
  
  
  
  
  
• I wound up in the ER in January of 2019. The final result was having my gallbladder removed in June. 
  
  
• 2020 has been a trying year thus far. The COVID-19 epidemic spurred first a Work-From-Home situation as the RIT Campus closed during Spring Break in March; and then I was furloughed on 4/27. I'm scheduled to return to work on 8/3. 
  
  
• Tensions from racial inequality issues and inhumane treatment of Black Men and Women have spawned protests, tearing down or defacing of confederate monuments, the Black Lives Matter movement, and front and center challenges to racial inequality and bias in several aspects of our daily lives.
  
  
• I acquired a used DSLR camera in 2015, and it has grown into a pretty serious hobby. My preferred subjects are nature and wildlife, with an emphasis on Birds. This is my reason for reviving the blog. I'll need to do some housecleaning around here, I think... but at least for the remaining month or so that I'm on furlough, I'll be sharing photos and thoughts on my photography experiences, life in the Age of COVID, life with Jonesy, and anything else that might strike my fancy. 
  
  
• Oh yeah, and I shaved my head. More of a buzz, really... I was diagnosed with Frontal Fibrosing Alopecia in 2015 and was taking medication and using medicated shampoo etc. I decided it was putting off the inevitable so I just shaved it off. Quite liberating, really.

New Year, New Goals, New Directions, Same old Blog

Wow, maybe I should have waited until Sunday to update, and that would have been a full two years since my last update :/

So yeah, Derby happened throughout those last two years. Travel bouts (now games, my bad) took me as far east as Maine, as far south as Virginia, as far north as... Alliston, ONT (North of Toronto), and as far west as... London, ONT.  ;)

Had my fair share of Jam Reffing, including JR in a tournament in MA (and the following year being Crew HR for a game at the same tournament), HR'd a few home games (home teams and B travel team), and front IPR'd for a sanctioned game. In 2013 I participated in 1 tournament (All 8 on the Floor - Worcester, MA). In 2014 I our league hosted a WFTDA Officiating Clinic (and had a Sanctioned game that Sat night, what a great feeling having fellow Officials in the stands!!), and participated in 2 tournaments (the Fresh and the Furious - Toronto, ONT and All 8).

I did quite a bit, but I plan to do a whole lot more. I am going to be working towards my WFTDA Certification this year, I'm pretty much decided if it doesn't happen this year, that's it. Not quitting refereeing; but not bothering to pursue the Cert. I'm getting older and more brokener and it's getting more difficult to commit to doing so much while actually maintaining some semblance of a life outside of Derby (such that it is).

That being said, I am working towards actually rebuilding myself as a skater and official. My skills are adequate and I can "get by," but certification or not it isn't enough if I intend to do my job well. There's a long road ahead of me, and a lot of work to do along that road; but so far I'm off to a pretty good start and keeping a steady eye on realistic, obtainable goals. First step: update the skates!

My first year at All 8 did a number on my R3s (a little issue with over-rosining the track), and I decided to go ahead and invest in new skates. I got a pair of Riedell 765s, which I thought would be amaze-balls awesome for my sometimes weak ankles and the like. They were HORRIBLE. Way too roomy in the ankle/Achilles heel area, the padding on the tongue was too thick and the faux leather was hard and unyielding. I experimented with doubling socks, in-skate padding, and finally bought a pair of Ezee Fits to help reduce some of the cavernous space between the skates and my ankles. They were functional, but I know it had a continuing impact on my agility and skating skill. I was unsure on my skates, I was uncomfortable on my skates. I was a sad little Zebra.

So, after some diligent budgeting and research I contacted Ilana at Turnaround Skates and we worked out a skate package; which needed to be altered a bit because the boot I wanted was out of stock. The final result: Jackson Competitor boot with Pilot Viper plate, Bionic XS Stoppers, Atom Poison Slim wheels (they came with Bionic abec 7 bearings, but I had a brand new box of Bones Reds at home, so she left the wheels and bearings in their packaging and tossed them in the bag).

I tried them out at our first scrimmage of the season. I nearly killed myself on the rounded toe stops! (yeah, I know, not the most intelligent move... but I survived).  I tried a new-to-me lacing scheme that didn't work so well (took too long to gear up), and took a bit to get the trucks right; and the toppers bit into my ankle somethin' fierce. I swapped out the Bionic toe stop with my old Gumballs, and pilfered the toe guards from my outdoor skates as I scuffed up one toe during scrimmage :(  I tried them at ref practice (the night after the above pic was taken), and between my long feet, flat arches, and skinny ankles... my heels were once again flopping around the skate :( So last night I stole the padded laces from the 765s, and dug out the Ezee fits, relaced the skates and tried them on and snug as a bug in a rug; and no skate top digging into my ankles. We'll see how that works at tonight's scrimmage.

I know new skates won't equal instant Supah-stah Skater Skillz... but I do know that poor-fitting skates were definitely a detriment to what skill I did have.

My plan is systematically replacing some of my gear (tho as of Sunday's scrimmage knee pads have moved up on the list... one of the straps is now hanging from 3 threads... WTF?), and when I picked up my skates I also picked up a SISU (low profile) mouth guard, and am going to try to start reffing with that tonight.

Another item on my list is coming up with a new approach to studying, comprehending, and adjusting to the newest (Dec 2014) ruleset. I'm just not as good at book learning in my adult years as I was in school; but in the past I've kind of shrugged it off and let "experience be my teacher." As a deputy Head Ref for our group; and occasional "senior" official on the track I should probably know my shit... so that is another  challenge for me to tackle; successful learning methods that work for ME.

Ah, and of course, a new item for the list is actually keeping this blog updated more than once a year. I know it rarely gets read, but besides pandering for attention my blogging is good for personal accountability; so here we go. No regular schedule, no particular themes for the moment. This blog was started to document my journey into becoming a Roller Derby Referee. The journey isn't over, by any stretch... there's still more story to tell.

Wandering Back Onto The Track

Hello, Derby Lovers…

It has been a pathetically long time since I updated, and for that I hang my head in shame. While the initial purpose of the blog was to document the trials and tribulations of learning to become a Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby Referee, I would be lying if I said I had nothing to write about once I got rolling.

Roc City Roller Derby, after being accepted as full members of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA), decided to extend the Travel Season from Fall of 2011 through the summer of 2012; so that we could participate in the required number of sanctioned bouts to earn quarterly rankings through Q4. That provided for a lot of travel, a lot of practice, a lot of networking, and no little bit of stress, frustration, and exhaustion. There was, however, a great deal of Derby Love and camaraderie, and I fell in love with stripes and 8 wheels.

I skated a few travel bouts as Inside Pack Ref, but more importantly… in October I skated my first bout as Jammer Ref; and damn if I didn’t do a pretty decent job for my first time out. This was also a very significant event for me because I would end up being off-skates because of elective surgery.

Twelve weeks ago today I underwent a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy to treat fibroids. Fibroids are tissue masses that develop on and around the uterine walls. I had many, and they were large. They were the root of my anemic condition, they were causing discomfort, and left untreated they would cause issues with my kidneys and/or bladder.

Total Abdominal means a horizontal slice across my lower abdomen of approximately 16.5 cm. I was out of work for 4 weeks. Here’s the kicker: I was back on skates, per my surgeon’s volunteered OK, at 8 weeks. I’m back to referee practices on Tuesday nights, and I’ve scrimmaged for the last 3 Thursdays; 2 times as OPR and last night as IPR.

I won’t lie, it hasn’t been easy. I occasionally experience those “time to slow down a little bit there, kiddo” pains… though are less frequent and less intense. I have to rebuild my endurance and my flexibility… and add in the adoption of a new Rules Set and yeah… I’ve become a little gun shy. I get frustrated at having difficulty with things that were easy peasy 6 months ago… and I have to constantly remind myself that I had major invasive surgery 3 months ago and I’m already back on skates and pulling my weight around the track.

I’m grateful to my league, and my fellow 19^th Wardens, and my friends and family who have been so supportive with anything from bringing me food and keeping me company to driving me around to sending me care packages to loaning me material to prepare for surgery to even just a phone call, text, or email to say “hi, thinking about you and wanting you better soonest.”  And I’m grateful for the sport of Flat Track Roller Derby for giving me a reason to heal swiftly and completely… to get better and get stronger so that I can get back into it. I’m grateful to be a Derby Referee.

pic courtesy of pixel8

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I Am My Own Worst Brick Wall

Last month the postings from the Philly Roller Girls started popping up around Valentine's Day that ECDX 2012 registration was LIVE, and to get on it!

I reposted it on Facebook, like a good little FB Junkie...

...and all of a sudden it's a month later and I'm only just getting around to submitting my application, 2 days before the "general cut off." Apparently starting on 3/29 they're only accepting applications for people participating in the Officiating Clinic the Thurs/Fri before ECDX.

Yeah... not too optimistic that I'll get selected... especially to referee. Don't get me wrong, I'll be happy to NSO for ECDX as well, no doubt! I just let life and work and emotional roller coasters distract me; and if not for a reminder on the Wardens' list yesterday I would have completely let it pass me by. :(

 I finished updating my Referee Resume (as much as I could, anyway... I swear I wanted to be better about keeping track). That I know/have/recall... I've got about 20 bouts under my belt... 19 of them OPR, 1 IPR;  6 of them Sanctioned, 5 regulation... and 1 tournament (I need to go back through and clean up that list, I'm sure some of that is wrong). Somehow I'm guessing that won't be enough for an ECDX-nod... but maybe my NSO experience will still get me a golden ticket... and maybe I won't be black-listed for having had to bail last summer on account of being sans gainful employment.

My thing is... I can't afford to just gallivant down to Feasterville, PA just because. The Officiating Clinic is Thurs & Fri, I can't afford to just "hang around" and "spectate," which would hurt and crush a lot... and make for not-so-much carpooling and maybe group-rated rooms and stuff... logistically a PITA.

I guess I'll just keep an eye on the inbox for the next week or so. I won't be able to register for the clinic anyway until NYS takes their yearly arm & leg... so that will pretty much define what goes on at the end of June for me.

Pardon my preemptive sulking.

Wherein Instant Gratification Girl Whines Because She Doesn’t Get Something Right Away

This season I have started training in Inside Pack and Jam Referee positions. I need to get out of my comfort zone, i.e. Outside Pack Ref.

I have been doing ok with IPR, I’m still having spatial challenges; judging 10-ft vs 20-ft and remembering which is Out of Play vs what constitutes no Pack… and actually issuing the appropriate penalties when these things occur (something that’s carrying over to Outside Pack, but I’ll get to that later).

Some practices are definitely better than others, I’m not completely ashamed and ready to put my head through a wall; but I am often frustrated because I’m recognizing my limitations and failings but not grokking how to overcome them.  I don’t know how to fix the issues, I don’t know how to exercise my “Perception of Pack Definition” beyond just doing it at scrimmage.

Case(s) in point:

O> Fencing – when learning to fence, and “fine-tuning” technique… there are many things to work on and practice. There are parry drills, range & lunging drills, slow-motion combinations, footwork, and more.

O> Tai chi – open hand or sword (or any weapon form… and any martial art, really). There are specific Forms and sets; defined postures and angles and strikes and combinations to practice and repeat and fine-tune.

O> Vocal Performance – learning the notes and the tempo, learning intonation and pronunciation, where to take a breath, where to sustain a note… when to be loud, when to be soft, how to convey the emotion of the piece or the moment in the piece, how to “tell the story” the music

The key element to these things is that there are things I can do on my own to practice and fine-tune… I can do the Yang 24 Form in my living room and repeat a section over and over. I can suspend a tennis ball on a string from my ceiling and lunge at it with my rapier repeatedly to work on accuracy and calibration. I can listen to recordings and practice tapes and pluck out notes on a keyboard or read through lyrics out loud to memorize a piece and fine-tune.

I don’t know how to do these things on my own for Refereeing. I don’t know what I can do at home to teach my eyes and brain to recognize The Pack and when there is No Pack and when someone is Out of Play. The only time and means by which to work and drill and practice at this is at Referee Practice, or in Scrimmage. And Practice or Scrimmage time isn’t my time, it isn’t about me and my needs and my learning style… it’s about all of the referees; or the referees and the teams skating and the NSOs learning their duties. 

I try watching bout video and highlight reels and the like; but it isn’t the same. The Perspective isn’t the same, I’m sitting still in front of my computer instead of trying to keep up with a pack of skaters and dodge other refs and NSOs (and skaters).

I’m frustrated because I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to get better. What we accomplish at practice and scrimmage is good; but it isn’t enough for me, and that’s on me… it’s my mental block that I need to overcome but I don’t know how.

The big thing here? Needing to fix the problem behind closed doors, without an audience, without judging eyes, without the [irrational] fear of mockery and disdain. I want to "fuck up" on my own and learn how to fix it; then go back out in public and do it right... but you can't really do that with Derby. And yes, I know, it's all in my head and people aren't laughing and mocking and judging me as a shit referee--  but it's how I feel and what I fear nonetheless.

 

And this brings me to Jam Refereeing. I don’t like Jam Reffing. I don’t like it. At all. I do not enjoy it. At all. I recognize that I need to learn how to do it; I need to at least become proficient in it if I expect to go anywhere or be anything in the Realm of Zebra… if I ever hope to achieve my Certifications and skate with the Big Zeebs.

I am stuck in a vicious circle of my own making. I have a severe mental block in regard to Jam Reffing… I don’t like it, and because I don’t like it whenever I take the line I am fighting myself… and getting frustrated when I make mistakes and miss things and screw up scoring or call a low block major on someone who tripped her own jammer. And these frustrations make me not like Jam Reffing. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I don’t like Jam Reffing, and I bring that dislike to the line and it influences my ability learn how to do the job. So how do I learn to like Jam Reffing?? Or at least appreciate it enough to let me learn how to do my job?

The worst part is, much of this frustration is carrying over into Outside Pack Reffing... and now I'm second-guessing myself or missing things because I'm too busy mulling over something else that I did wrong or feeling overall less effective than I thought I was. Even in my comfort zone I'm feeling less confident... the only things I still seem to have going for me is (for the most part) being able to keep up with the pack and yelling loud enough for people on the inside to hear me. Beyond that, I almost feel like I'm going backwards and devolving as a Ref. 

Yes, I am unreasonably hard on myself. I recognize this. It is my nature and I’m just too old and set in my ways to go changing that now. The problem is, generally if I’m extremely frustrated with myself because I can’t get something right… I go and fix it… I practice and drill and repeat and repeat and eventually I fix the problem; but now I don’t know how to fix it and it frustrates me to tears.  I fear the much needed epiphany is a bit out of reach this time… and it makes me a sad little Zebra, indeed.

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Skating into 2012

Today I'm actually gearing up for my 3rd bout of 2012... which is technically RCRD's "Extended Travel Season."

Now that we're a WFTDA (Women's Flat Track Derby Association)  league, we needed to come up with a way to adjust our schedule to match the WFTDA ranking schedule.

Other WFTDA leagues are playing for rankings and fighting for the invitation to Regional Tournament play; and then usually have a "Home Season" in the Fall (provided they aren't tourneying). Our schedule was "backwards," so we had to find a way to bring it in line with WFTDA play... so we extend the travel season through the summer, and start the home season in late summer/early fall.

Anyway, so we've had three bouts thus far... one away (Ottawa, Roc Stars vs Rideau Valley), one at home (double header... B-Sides vs Worcester Roller Derby and Roc Stars vs Tri-City Thunder), and this past weekend the Roc Stars traveled to Toronto to take on CN Power (I didn't skate that bout).

It is the opinion of many that I have proven myself to be a proficient Outside Pack Referee. Which means I need to start working on other positions... especially if I'm going to try and skate at East Coast Derby Extravaganza (ECDX) in June. I actually really like skating OPR, I will happily learn Inside Pack but I really do not want to be a Jam Referee. Eventually I will need to, I recognize this... but doesn't mean I have to like it. ~pout~

Anyway, we have a heavy schedule for the next few months, and I will definitely get my share of skate time. This weekend we're traveling to Long Island for a Double Header (B-Sides & Roc Stars vs LIRR). There's a little bit of pressure, to be sure... we (the refs) will be skating alongside refs from Gotham. I'm not concerned tho, at least... not yet ;) I shared the Outside with Trickster at Empire Skate Showdown, and we had a grand old time (especially because he kept threatening to steal my DERBY socks). In two weeks RCRD's returning to RIT's Gordon Field House to take on the Ithaca SufferJets... and then that next morning (Sunday AM) our Quarriors (Roc Quarry - skaters in training or who haven't been rostered to a team yet) will be scrimmaging against Ithaca's Bluestockings. 

I suppose I should come up with more Deep Thoughts On Being a Referee and such, but my mind just isn't very focused right now... too many non-Derby life issues are bombarding me at once and I'm not really dealing as effectively as I normally do. So, I'll just leave you with this awesome photo from the Tri City bout taken by my friend Bob.

photo courtesy of Pixel8

Free Nikon D90 Camera Giveaway

Well, I actually had some serious Derby thoughts on my mind as I got ready for work this AM... which preempted the general "state of me in regard to my life in Derby" post that I've been putting off...

however even the serious Derby thoughts have been preempted by the need to BE IN IT TO WIN IT! And in this case, by "IT" I'm referring to a New Nikon D90 Camera.

You may or may not not know how much I've been coveting a DSLR. I love love LOVE my Canon a590-IS, I really do... but I know more and more that there's so much MORE I can do with a DSLR, and I want to learn and I want to play and make really really pretty pictures... and maybe stand a slightly better chance of sharing with the rest of the world the wonder that I see in it everyday.

So, this is my official Entry post, on my blog, to say "I'd really really like to be the one selected to win the Nikon D90 Camera" :)

This giveaway is most generously being via Oh So Posh Photography, and I spied the giveaway via a friend's post on Facebook. I have been a little "nosy" and started perusing the site, and I do very much like what I see...

I think what's touched me most is her story of how and why she got into photography, and what it means to her. Very inspiring, and something that may influence my Goals for 2012 (or at least inspire me to reassess what I think should be goals for 2012). Giveaway notwithstanding... give her site a look-see.