So, here I am at the end of week 3 of my training as a Referee (Rules Training & Fresh Meat Skating notwithstanding).
Ok, here's the thing about me. In many areas, I take to things very quickly. I understand quickly, I get it quickly, I pick it up quickly. For example: during rehearsals for an RIT musical the choreographer told me to do some dance thing, and when I told her I didn't know what it was she gave me this bewildered look and said it was a basic move covered in dance classes. I shrugged and said I'd never taken dance. She was shocked, assumed I had because I was doing so well with the steps.
Another example: in the SCA a bunch of us were hanging out in a parking lot at an event and there was middle-eastern drumming and dancing going on... I don't think I had my drum with me, and on a whim I threw my arms up and started dancing. No, wouldn't win any authenticity awards, but a passing fair attempt.
I have an aptitude for movement, I have an aptitude for rhythm. I have an aptitude for a lot of things... so I personally wasn't that surprised that it didn't take me long to get comfortable on skates again. Tho admittedly, it was an extreme boost to my often fragile ego to hear the praises and surprise from the vet skaters. I couldn't help but smile and feel a little giddy hearing that the vets were talking about me and wanted to "steal" me from the Referees.
Aptitude got me on the track... but it's going take so much more to keep me there, and that's insanely frustrating.
I realize I've only been at it for 3 weeks. I realize that everyone else (save the newbies) have been at it for a year or more already so of course they're going to skate faster and longer and stop quicker and see more of what's happening on the track (and off) and be more able to make snap judgments and fast reactions. Logically I know and understand that. The problem is, I am Miss Instant Gratification Girl and I need to have/know/do/understand now. And if I can't immediately do a thing well I will either abandon it for the next new distraction (like tatting), or beat myself up in frustration until I get it right.
Don't get me wrong, I don't gloss over or refuse to acknowledge the learning curve and putting in the time to practice... for instance in the case of tatting I took a class on it a few summers ago, bought stuff, practiced, practiced more, practice even more... and couldn't get past a certain point in my ability. It began to get frustrating enough that other things caught my interest and satisfied my need.
Ah, another thing you should know about me: I'm addicted to the "a-ha!" moment. No, not that really high note in "Take On Me," that moment when it clicks, when you're doing something and it makes complete and perfect sense and it becomes real. Like when I was teaching myself to knit (via book and YouTube) and decided to tackle knit & purl and all of a sudden this square of yarn in my hand looked like something knitted, like what you'd see on a sweater or a scarf... and it clicked... and I was pleased.
So anyway... back to training... I'm still low on the learning curve, and it isn't a bad thing, it isn't an unexpected thing. I've been told that I'm doing well so far, but I just feel like I could and should be doing better already.
Practice was mildly frustrating this week because I'm still not skating fast enough to pass the 25 [laps] in 5 [minutes]... I did 22 laps. We worked on identifying when skaters were in play vs out of play, who was part of the pack and who wasn't... and then practiced calling it with skaters in motion. The skill here is learning to judge people 10 ft and 20 ft apart not just by markings on tape [which may or may not be there, depending on the venue] but also by actual body placement. We worked on whistling/skating/agility towards the end... dodging obstacles while skating at near-sprint and echoing whistle-blasts. I got lapped... a lot. My left knee got fatigued... was still fatigued from the 25 in 5 earlier in the night. It wasn't hurting, I don't know how else to describe it except fatigued... didn't want to support the weight of me leaning into my crossovers. The good thing... didn't have a problem with making sound from the whistle (tho I was dying for my Burt's Bees!!). I suppose that's something.
I hate making excuses, I don't want to be "that person." I could whine about my skates not being tied well (we were timed on "how fast can you gear up and get on the track), I could whine about the fact that it was day 2 of my period; which is the heaviest day and I am completely at the mercy of iron-deficiency... and a need to excuse myself randomly, I could whine about so many excuses... but the thing is excuses are worthless and make people give me "that look," and the reaction of needing to make excuses frustrates me. If I'm cycling during a bout, I have to cork it, suck it up and skate. If I'm called in last minute to skate as Ref, I gotta get my gear on and my ass on the track and adjust when I can.
I know it will take time. I'm not an athelete anymore, so I have an extra challenge of getting into better physical conditioning. You don't just jump up from the couch one day, go and run the Boston Marathon, or swim the English Channel... you have to build up to it. You have to train your body to be stronger, more flexible, more agile. I have to train my eyes to see, train my brain to translate what I see into applicable penalties and respond with the appropriate combination of actions. One doesn't just decide one day to strap on a pair of skates and a striped shirt and hop on the track and become Instant Referee. I know all of this.
...doesn't mean I won't still beat myself up over the fact that I can't. It's just who I am, it's how I deal. And yes, I know... I need a healthier way to deal.
Isnt' that what chocolate is for?
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