Oh Yeah, a Derby Blog... forgot about that

Way back in what, September? October? I created this blog; mostly to follow a couple of Derby-specific Blogs, and I half-joked about using this to blog about my Derby life.

This morning I had a number of thoughts and realized I did have a place for it; even if no one is reading... and I'm cool with that.  So, here we go.

Firstly, things you should know about me:

• I am 39 years old, will be turning 40 in May
• I am at the moment about 30 lbs heavier than I would like to be. The plus side (no pun intended) to that is that I have lost 35 lbs since 8/09 (I was right ashamed of my HS 20th Reunion pics)
• I am not in the best physical shape, by any means. I was fairly athletic in college, being in Air Force ROTC and all, and did the musical theater thing @ RIT and in the Community for about 4 years, and for a good number of years was an active fencer in the Society for Creative Anachronism (historical re-creation). Between spending a lot of time with a more sedentary group of friends, having abdominal surgery that took the better part of 8 months to truly recover from (had a "fruitbasket" of fibroids removed), and dealing with emotional downswings... I've lost a great deal of physicality
• I am all about instant gratification. If I don't immediately get something I either get extremely bored or extremely frustrated with it
• I am really good at beating myself up and being hypercritical of myself
• I have an intense need to feel like I "belong" that governs many of my actions and decisions
• I have felt bored and stagnant and dissatisified with my life for a goodly number of years. I miss feeling impassioned and obsessed with and invigorated by something
• I like attention, and am pouty and (quietly) tempermental at a lack thereof
• I am Pagan. I don't follow a specific path or honor a particular Pantheon... because I'm still exploring
• I am single, living by myself save an old but psychotic and loving cat

Why do you need to know all of this about me? Because these things have all contributed to (and continue to drive) my participation in Women's Flat Track Roller Derby.

I got into Roller Derby because of my former College Roommate, who goes by the Derby name of "Gravity Kills." Ironically enough, she was also the one who got me involved with the SCA 17 years ago. Gravity is a bad influence (said, of course, with love).

Well, since I was thinking about it... let's be specific. This has all become a blur, but I think it played out like this:

Gravity and I were trying to make plans to hang out; since life had us doing our own things and we were looking to reconnect... and she mentioned being involved in Roller Derby. Like just about anyone else born before 1980 I asked that question..."you mean like Roller Derby that used to be on TV on the weekends Roller Derby?? WWF on Wheels??" And I get the standard explanation of Banked vs Flat Track, Not staged, real hits but elbows, clotheslines, trips (and the occasional chair) were illegal, etc.

So, Fourth of July rolls around... and there's a bout that day. I post on Facebook asking about whether I should go to a Roller Derby bout or go chill in the park and wait for Fireworks and listen to the Radio's Musical Simulcast.  One of my FB friends goes on this tired about how her ex-boyfriend is dating one of those trashy Derby Beast girls (honestly, i can't recall what words she actually used, just the general sentiment) and that I shouldn't waste my time; do something cultural, etc. Yeah, guess what I ended up doing? Yep, attended my first ever Roc City Roller Derby bout.

I then went to the after-party that was also an annual party at one of the Derby Girls' houses in the South Wedge... and was both enthralled and overwhelmed. These were a close-knit bunch of wickedly awesome and fearless women, brash and bold and reflections of the Goddess in their own right. I found myself wanting to be like them, with them, one of them... and I truly saw the weak, shy, timid, self-doubting mouse I had become over the last several years... and it disgusted me. I didn't stay very long because I felt very out of place, but somewhere inside I decided I needed to find, dust off, and embrace that bad-ass I used to be in College.

Gravity invited me out to an Adult Skate night one night in November (I believe). This would be the first time for me on roller skates in over 20 years. I didn't do too badly once I got used to the ever-shifting balance points... and I didn't fall at all that night. I even tried turning around to skate backwards the way I remembered doing back in Jr High... after the 3rd time my knee informed me that I wasn't quite ready for that so I stopped. Still, I had fun... and realized how much I missed skating.

I used to live on my roller skates. When my dad and I lived in San Diego and El Centro all we did was skate (erm, and play soccer, and swim @ the beach and fish and drive down to Tijuana to buy illegal fireworks and... ), I will admit we were totally into the Roller Disco scene.  When we moved to Buffalo, almost every weekend I was at Arena Roller Rink from when the doors opened until they kicked us out... So, after 20+ years what a thrill to be back on skates!!

So after some conversation and berating and drinking etc, Gravity and I got to talking about Derby and I decided I wasn't brave enough (nor could I afford the injury) to skate in Roller Derby, so I spent a year volunteering as a Non-Skating Official. I loved spending the year mostly working the Penalty Box, playing up the Prison Guard Uniform Shirt (the Skating + Non-Skating Officials are collectively known as the 19th Wardens), getting to know and be friends with the Derby crew, and feeling a sense of belonging.

But, truth be known... I would watch the skaters and the Referees with a pang of longing... I'd find myself watching footwork and technique, watching and learning and understanding the game play not as a spectator; but as something "more."

This past fall I gave in and bought a pair of skates, an helmet and some pads (yay Healthy Rewards dividends!), and I went through Fresh Meat Boot Camp. My decision was to become a Referee... I'm not aggressive enough (or resilient enough) to play Derby... and there's just me in the house and getting a serious injury that keeps me out of work and laid up for weeks will destroy me and my meager life... I still get my skate on, I'd still be a part of the Wardens and a part of the Derby family... and I get to feel alive again. I see WIN across the board.

Apparently I did ok at Boot Camp because the vets who were helping out were in turns surprised that I could skate, eager to get me skating on a team, and plotting to steal me away from the Wardens when I declared I was going for Referee ;)

So here I am. A Referee in Training for Women's Flat Track Derby. We spent some off-season time (while I was skating in Boot Camp and in Fresh Meat (Roc Quarry) practices) doing rules training, and now I'm officially attending Ref Practices and League practices on skates.

There is a great deal I want to talk about; but I decided starting with a bit of background would be useful... so the story continues in other postings.