Just Me and My Skates Against The World

WARNING: This is an excessively long post, as I am catching up from my last update... which happened over 1.5 months ago.  Um... sorry :(

Just Me and My Skates Against The World

Well, not really… but sometimes it feels like it. Some aspects of life outside of Derby are really straining my temper, my patience, and my sanity. Primarily, it’s my work situation… but it is having an adverse affect on other aspects of my life.

The worse scenario is, my currently contract is terminated… and my employer has nowhere else to place me; and besides not having an income to, you know, eat… pay bills… drive… have a roof over my head… etc I will also lose my health insurance. League Policy requires me to have insurance, else I can’t skate.

I know, it sounds like my priorities are skewed… but really they’re not. The lack of income = lack of basic necessities weighs incredibly heavy over my head. Skating is a very important part of my life now, tho… the physical activity and sheer joy of skating keeps me active, keeps me fit, keeps me from thinking too much… keeps me sane. Sure, I could still do open skate—oh wait, that whole “lack of income” thing…

Anyway, so that’s one stressor weighing heavily. There are others, but I’m choosing to not go into them right now. Rather, let’s get back to Derby Talk!

My journey towards becoming a referee is progressing, I have been getting some good feedback and lately I have been feeling much less inept. In fact, one of the refs assured me that aiming for being Bout-Ready by May is not an unrealistic goal.

So, for some updates (since it has been a month of Sundays since I last posted)

Ø      Bought a new pair of skates. My motivation behind it was skating in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade on the 12^th… I have outdoor wheels, though I’d yet to actually roll them. My justification for the new skates was that I really want to start skating the Canal Path at lunch time once the weather is nice… and I know I’m too lazy to swap constantly between outdoor & indoor wheels. If I skate on a day that’s kinda crappy (or if parade weather were crappy), then I’d trash my boots even with swapping wheels.

So, I ordered a pair of Riedell Dash skates in White. These are different from my R3s but reviews said the boot fit pretty much the same… and frankly for my budget and level of skating I like the R3s. The biggest difference is that instead of the “over the ankle” Velcro strap of the R3, the Dash has a grommeted tab on either side that you lace together. This has been a neverending adventure in boot-lacing. I’m still experimenting with this; because there is a lot of space and play in the ankle/Achilles heel area… which is disconcerting when I’m running on toe stops… my feet slide around in the boot and I feel unsure of my footing.

But, I’ve got my Atom Poisons (and a set of Bones Reds bearings), and added a pair of Gumball Toe Stops. Definitely will take some breaking in… it took 5 months for the R3s to get broken in; so I’ll deal. Worst case, I go to a pair of White R3s and pass off the Dashes to someone else.

Ø      Two weeks ago at practice we did a “just for grins” time trial… the WFTDA 10 Laps in 1:35 that’s required for Ref Certification.  I almost didn’t skate it; too intimidated by the man-packed skaters (face it, there’s Muffy, there’s Kim, and there’s me… and an army of menfolk). So I almost bowed out; but in the end all of us at practice that night (I think except 1) skated.  And you know what? I didn’t do too badly for my first trial. I finished in 1:49. I didn’t expect to be anywhere under 2 minutes. Granted, I was exhausted and my lower legs went ice cold during Lap 8… and when I let myself collapse after my recovery lap I had a very difficult time getting up (I wasn’t joking around, I literally could not move my legs for about 2 minutes).  I think the cold legs thing was a combination of unexpected exertion on my legs’ part… and knee pads that were too tight. The Pro-Tecs don’t quite fit, and I have to pull the Velcro strap pretty tight across the upper knee to get it to fasten. I wonder that I might have actually cut off circulation.

I ended up buying a pair of Triple-8 Pros, tho now I’m not sure I like them… they slide around a lot… but that could just be because I’m wearing slippery leggings under them and not regular tights, or skin.  I’ll keep skating on them for a bit longer and if they make me unhappy I’ll have to replace them.

Ø      I skated in the Rochester St. Patrick’s Day Parade on 3/12. That was so much freakin’ fun, can’t wait until the next Parade. I’d forgotten how different skating on asphalt is, I only fell once and that was because I didn’t see the road joint until I tripped over it :P It was great to work the crowd… I took a bunch of pictures (which I still need to upload to Flickr), and in general just had fun. Very good for the soul, I think.

Ø      After that I rushed home to change, swap out my gear, and then another Ref in Training and I drove out to Syracuse for the Scrap with ACRD. This is an open scrimmage that ACRD hosts every month or so, where skaters (and Referees and NSOs) from area leagues are invited to come out and skate together as mixed teams. It’s a lot of fun, a great learning experience, and gives you a chance to see “how other folk play.”

The ACRD Bunker is an unused store-space in a mall. The track just fits corner to corner… and makes for an interesting time for Outside Pack Refs… they basically skate back and forth between corners 2 & 3 and 1 & 4 respectively. The skaters’ benches were between 1 & 4, and the Penalty Box was between 2 & 3. Let’s just say it was a great opportunity to practice dodging skaters and Tomahawk stops while keeping an eye on the Pack!

There is another RCRD vs ACRD closed scrimmage this Saturday, but I already have plans to make dinner for a friend so I had to bow out. I do look forward to playing with ACRD again, tho. There’s another Scrap scheduled for April 2^nd, so I’m going to see if I can make that one.

I got word from our Head Ref (REFLMAO) that their Head Ref (Otto Alignment) had been in contact after the Scrap, and had some positive words for me and C3PO’d, and said that we were welcome to come back and skate at ACRD anytime.

Ø      Practice this past Tuesday could best be described as a Ref Lab. Some of the league skaters were invited to come in and be our “pack,” and we focused on some specific aspects of being an Outside Pack Ref. For me, this was fantastic. This was an opportunity to apply the theory of hand signals, vocal projection, figuring out who to follow in the pack and how to follow the pack, etc without the pressure and pace of it being an actual Scrimmage.  It was truly a practice scenario vs a “learning on the job” scenario… an I absolutely LOVED it.

I do know that at the very least… I’ve got the voice thing down ;) I can make the calls, my calls are of acceptable volume and clarity… now if only I can remember the hand signals… or like, actually see the penalties :P Actually, I did receive some positive comments throughout the night about placement next to the pack as well. Then again, most of the time the pack wasn’t skating at game speed so it wasn’t that hard to be in the right position… and I also wasn’t dodging flailing and sailing skaters, coaches in the ref lane, etc (tho I did skim the wall while signaling to the Jam Ref at one point, that was a scary moment).

 Seriously though, Tuesday’s practice left me feeling much more confident about where I am in my training, and pointed out specific things that I need to focus on. It was a little glimpse at my place on the roadmap—and it was something I very much needed.

The biggest personal challenge for me right now is getting off my ass and upping my physicality. Laziness is a part of it, but having too much in my schedule is also a part of it. I usually have so much going on throughout the week that Sunday Mornings are the only time I get to sleep in. Work has been leaving me so exhausted that by the time I get home, get housework done, come up with something for dinner… all I want to do is “stop” for a little while before bed.

Thing is, this leaves me hovering at a plateau. The skating and warm-ups that I do at practice/scrimmage have gotten me much further than I was a year ago today, but to truly see improvement I need to up the effort… shoe-horn some workout time into my schedule; work through the exhaustion (which really is probably just an extension of my depression to begin with). Forego the Lazy Sundays (~sniffle~) and drag my ass to Sunday Practice… and try like hell to NOT hurt myself, thereby rendering myself useless for work the next 3 days.  I need to get over my core revulsion of running, or at least not let it keep me from doing more of it. Gods I hate running. I really and truly do.  But running will make me a better skater, right?  Hell, if job and finances level out maybe I’ll break down and join another gym… tho really, “Spunk! Fitness”? Really?

Tonight is League Meeting night in lieu of scrimmage, and next week will be non-scrimmaging practice because we have a bout on the 26^th. I’m not going to bother with bringing my skates tonight; and I will make more of an effort to drag my sorry ass to practice on Sunday Morning. I just don’t have the strength or endurance to keep up, and it frustrates me… but I’ll try to keep up the positive internal dialog, and I will do what I am able and acknowledge and adhere to my limits. I will make an effort. I can’t get to “I am” until I survive “I will.”

Roller Derby, I “Less Than 3” You!

This past Saturday Roc City Roller Derby kicked off it’s 2011 Season with a 3-way Round Robin Tournament, featuring the The RottenChesters and The 5-H8-5s, and our newest home team The Midtown Maulers.

Despite the weather (a winter storm advisory from 1pm Sat – 4am Sun), a broken ATM Machine @ the Dome, and an Archery event on the other side of the Dome that apparently somehow involved a live Deer… we had an outstanding crowd in attendance (I think I overheard speculations around 1600 people). Once again we had fans lined up outside the door in crappy weather, braving the slick roads and crazy drivers, to show some Derby love.

The Round-Robin was held as 3 20-minute bouts, with a 15 min break between each. After the final bout, awards were given out and the typical program signing, picture taking, family introducing, track pulling and chair folding, etc took place. Admittedly, being exhausted from a way too early start and all; I actually retired to the back to eat food and sit on the floor to catch my breath for a bit instead of the usual helping with tear-down and such.

I had an interesting vantage point this time ‘round. Most of last season saw me either in the Penalty Box or Outside White Board (tho for one bout I did Line-Up Tracking). On Saturday I took a turn at Inside White Board. I worked with a Wrangler and Penalty Tracker, and between the three of us tried to keep up with the Penalties flying in from inside and outside the track. All in all, a painless experience… tho very frenetic at times.

From a Ref-In-Training standpoint… Holy crap. I find myself both excited and intimidated at the idea of being a Referee at a bout. Yes, I’ve attended quite a few bouts, and watched them, etc… but it’s only been in the last few weeks that I’ve had the opportunity to start watching bouts from the perspective of “I’ve gotta learn how to do this, I’ve gotta learn to see what they’re seeing and call what they’re calling and skate how they're skating.”

So far I’ve skated in 2 scrimmages… and while somewhat fast-paced and chaotic… scrimmages are nowhere near the chaos and mayhem of bout night.

1. The noise level. You have the crowds screaming and cheering (and jeering). You have skaters yelling encouragement, coaching, warnings, guidance, etc. You have coaches yelling encouragement, coaching, warnings, good-natured (mostly) balking at the Officials, etc. You have Raucous music playing. You have the Announcers calling play by play and general stream of consciousness commentary. And you have all of this in a cavernous venue like the Dome (which is very live acoustically… I was playing around with vocal pops and chirps while helping set up the track earlier in the day).
2. Visual stimuli. At scrimmages you have the teams, the handful of NSOs (we generally don’t staff the whole set required for a bout, just necessary bodies), the refs, the coaches, maybe a few non-skating team members who are there for coaching, support… handling League-related business, etc. Oh, and the 2 or 3 Horizon employees on staff. That’s generally it.
   At a bout, you have the crowd, the merch area, the sponsor table(s), the vendors/concessionaires, the EMT crew, the production crew, the announcers, security, the Dome staff, cameras flashing, full staff of NSOs, scoreboard operator, etc. So many points of attraction within your field of vision (or just outside your periphery) that draw your eye, so many distractions that you have to train yourself to not look at… and yet you do have to keep one eye on them because of potential hazards or interference with game-play.
3. Speed. Roc City trains for speed. You get a taste of that speed during scrimmages… but there isn’t that same boost of adrenaline that’s driven by “Bout Day ZOMG” and the roar of the crowds and the teams getting pumped up. They’re driven into a near-frenzy, and suddenly the skaters are flying around the track at Mach-5 and it’s your job to keep up with them… racing around at Mach-5 then needing to stop and reverse on a dime and start it back up again as the ever changing and re-arranging pack wreaks havoc with time and space.
4. Pressure. Oh yes, the pressure. Not so say that scrimmages don’t count, because they do… but really scrimmages are a comfort zone. Scrimmages are playing at Karaoke with friends in your living room after a few rounds of Margaritas and Mojitos… Bout day is you with just a microphone at the SuperBowl and the desperate wish to not fuck up the National Anthem (which, by the way, is why I haven’t volunteered to sing the National Anthem at a bout… because I think I would melt into a puddle of mortified goo if I messed up in front of that large a crowd!).
   On Bout day, the teams are playing f’real… they’re out for blood and victory and it’s up to you to make fair and rational and justified calls; and the players are watching and the coaches are watching and the crowd is watching and just waiting for that excuse to pin you to the wall and fling arrows at you. No, of course it isn’t personal… and you shake it off and go and drink with the gang at the After Party and it’s all good… but until you get to that point… oh the pressure.

So as I’m working the Inside White Board and keeping an eye on the game… I’m watching the Referees; I’m attempting to stay within earshot when they take an Official Time Out to discuss something (when not scrambling to make sure what I have on the board matches what the Penalty Tracker has). I’m watching to see if I can catch what the Referees are seeing when they make their calls, how they handle conflicts and “questionable” calls.

And as I’m watching all of this, I find myself both excited and terrified. One day I’ll be donning the stripes and having to come to terms with all of the distractions and fears and insecurities… and I’ll have to blow that whistle and make that call that will piss someone off, get wheel-locked by another skater and end up flat on my back, maybe get a coach in my face during an Official Time Out.

Truth is, for as much as I’m terrified of it… I cannot wait, because I know I’ll love every minute of it. <3

[video courtesy of the most awesome Derby Mom]

Do You See What I See?

On Saturday I went to Buffalo to catch the Nickel City Knock Outs skate against the Devil Dollies (Two of Queen City Roller Girls' Home Teams). Having been on the Roller Derby scene for awhile, I saw a few familiar faces on the track… and I introduced two gals I graduated from High School with to the world of Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby.

The Skating Officials line-up (as I recall):

Head Ref (IPR) – Shock-Her

Inside Pack Ref – Fran Deck-Her

Jam Ref – Señor Wiener

Jam Ref – Guy O. Tine

Outside Pack Ref – Lizzie Longshanks

Outside Pack Ref – Boo D. Bloxx

Outside Pack Ref – Elvis Refley

Observations as a spectator:

I will fully admit to being kind of spoiled in Rochester. We have a couple of excellent venues for our bouts, with ample parking and seating, room enough for a solid Referee Lane & safety line… and if people are standing to watch the bout it’s because they choose to, not because there’re no more seats left.

Rainbow Rink was jam-packed by the time we rolled in… dinner went a little late and we got our check late; and then there was the hunt for parking in the neighborhood as the lot was completely full. We ended up standing behind the last row of chairs near turn 3; which in and of itself wasn’t too bad, except when the first jam started a few people 2 rows in front of us decided to stand up to watch.  I finally got annoyed enough to ask them (2 burly bald guys) if they’d mind sitting every few jams so that we could see behind them. They ended up sitting through the first Period. Second Period didn’t yield quite as much luck; and I even resorted to a snarky out loud comment wondering why people even bothered to get seats if they weren’t going to sit in them. Ah well

Ursie and Heather really enjoyed their first bout, I answered questions when I could, explained how the scoring worked, why certain people were called on certain things, etc.  The Devil Dollies busted out with a Star Pass so I explained what was going on there, and commented on a couple of strategy things that didn’t make a lot of sense at first (which I’ll cover later).  The Knock Outs proved victorious... apparently further perpetuating a friendly and loving inter-league rivalry. Oh, and I got a loaf of Cohen's Rye Bread. Who says Derby don't give back???

All in all, they had a good time and definitely want to check out more Roller Derby. My work here is done. ;)

ETA:
oh look! a highlights reel was posted!

 

Observations as a Ref in Training:

My other intention in going to the bout was to watch other referees in action, and work on watching the pack for penalties and how situations are handled. I didn’t actually whip out a pen and notebook (or my phone) to take notes, but I did make it a point to recall a few things that I may or may not get a chance to discuss with the other Wardens at some point.

-         Strategies. I saw a couple of interesting strategies at play… strategies that seemed to be well-executed and accomplished their goal (and tells me that they’re something I should be watching for once I’m on the line).

o       Scenario #1 – the Devil Dollies’ Jammer was starting the Jam from the Penalty Box, she was standing so she was within her 10 sec. At the sound of the 1^st Whistle 2 of the Dollies’ dropped back almost to the Jammer Line. One or two of the Knock Outs hovered around the Pivot Line while another one or two started forward with another of the Dollies. The Dollies’ Jammer was released from the Box and just as she was on approach the 2 Dollies that had dropped back sped up and past the Pivot line, the 2^nd Whistle sounded and the Dollies’ Jammer flew into the pack.

Now, I didn’t have a clear view of the floor at that side; so I don’t know about positioning, but that is a question I intend to bring up tonight… if she’s coming in from out of bounds after the 2^nd Whistle is there a specific about her positioning vs the Knock Out’s Jammer who was behind the Pivot Line? Could (and did) the Dollie’s Jammer have to enter the track from behind the Jammer Line? Like I said, I couldn’t really see; but no one on the inside (or outside, for the matter) called a Penalty, so whatever she did she did it right.

o       Scenario #2 – something I think I’ve seen RCRD practicing; or that we’ve discussed in Warden’s training (it seemed familiar). Maybe something that was brought back from ECE for discussion, I can’t recall. Anyway… I believe both Jammers were on the line at the start of the Jam, the Jam Timer gave a 5 sec warning, just as he blew the whistle 3 of the Dollies in the rear of the pack took a knee, and the 4^th skated forward with the 4 Knock Outs. Shock Her called Pack is Front, Jam Timer blew the 2^nd Whistle, the 3 Dollies stood up and boxed in the approaching Knock Outs Jammer.

-         Shock Her is a freakin’ Machine. I watched him call 2 Minors and a Major in the middle of a bunched up pack at turn 3… Bam Bam Bam! (Sadly, I can’t recall what the Penalties were, tho I believe at least 1 was a Back Block). I just watched in awe (and felt very very teeny).

-         Perspective. Who hasn’t watched Football or Hockey or some other sport on TV, and yelled and berated the officials for not calling some infraction that was blatant? I found myself seeing a lot of penalties going on in the pack as they passed Turn 3 (esp a lot of Elbows and Forearms… arms flailing everywhere… saw at least 3 Elbow-to-Head’s in the course of the night).

It suddenly occurred to me that my problems with refereeing are the same as going to the movie theatre. The screens are so huge that if I get stuck sitting in the first 10-15 rows I spend the movie literally panning my head left-to-right because there’s too much screen and too small a field of vision. Being a referee holds the same challenge. It’s hard to see everything when you’re right on top of the action (coupled with trying to avoid flying bodies and poorly positioned coaches, etc). There’s a much wider field of vision that you have to train your eyes to “snapshot” and your brain to “process and return results,” and everything is constantly changing so you have only a few seconds in which to do it.

The amount of work I have to do intimidates the hell out of me… especially when you’re watching good Refs in action… especially when you’re watching Refs who’ve been at it for a couple of solid years in action. 

I’m mulling over how I can widen my field of vision… how can I see more, and see it more quickly… and then once I can see it, how can I make my brain process it and spit out the results quickly? Walter Ego said at practice last week that in all it should take about 10-15 sec to see the action, process it, make the call… after that it starts to be too late and you have to move on.  I’ve also been told by just about every current Ref in the Wardens that it doesn’t happen overnight, and that they still screw up, and that it is an ever learning process.

But man, I’d really really like to be able to skate in my first bout as a Referee by my 40^th Birthday.

Nope, no pressure. None at all.



8 on the Floor and Ready for More

Today I hurt. It's a good hurt, mostly... a hurt that is the result of jogging and side-stepping and lunges and running around cones and stops and falls. It's a hurt that means I didn't spend my Tuesday evening in front of a computer screen playing Bejeweled or in front of a TV watching a movie I've already seen 30 times or at the dining room table reading while I mindlessly shovel food into my mouth.  It's a hurt that means the muscles are being retrained, the reflexes are being reprogrammed, the mind is being refocused.  It's a hurt that means I went to Derby Practice on Tuesday night, and I did work.

Last week was one of my occasional "I suck at everything/why am I bothering/just shoot me now put me out of my misery" days. I know I'm not the only one to have those days, and eventually I get over them... and myself. I have rehearsals like that, too... where I swear I'll never touch a piece of music or dare to utter a note ever again because I am so epically made of suck. I have fencing days like that, I have sewing days like that... it happens. You put a lot of effort and energy into something on a regular basis and on occasion, you have a bad day.   Sometimes the thing that makes it so frustrating is the fact that my rational mind recognizes it for what it is, knows what's happening and why... but can only hold on for dear life as an uninvolved helpless passenger while the overly sensitive emotional side slaps hard on the reins and careens towards temporary meltdown.  I just need to get used to the fact that now Roller Derby gets to be added to the basket of meltdown potential.

I did have a moment of personal accomplishment, tho. Nothing major, but at least proof that I am learning and that it is starting to sink in. We were looking at examples of skater positions on the track, determining Pack/No Pack, who's In Play, who's Out of Play, etc. This particular exercise was to have 2 "teams" skate around the track and we in the middle that were watching blow the whistle at "an interesting point" at which point everyone freezes, and then identify what's happening. 10 ft is not that much space between people. It's a hard thing to judge; to just see and recognize. I did ok, tho. That's all well and good for stopping the pack and taking the time to examine every person and their relative distance, etc... being able to judge it in motion while following a fast pack that's ever-changing? Hoo Boy!

Still mediocre with speed on the 25 in 5. This frustrates me. I know it shouldn't, I haven't really been doing exercises or skating in the last week to suddenly up my game or ability... but being lapped by other skaters really tweaks the hell out of my competitive side. It's nothing on them, just another "thing" I need to work out for myself. As my hand is poised over the keyboard I hear the litany of excuses beginning to form. Rather than give them "power" to govern my actions and thoughts, I'll just accept that they are challenges... obstacles on the track that I will need to go around, over, or if need be... through... but no more stopping. Now I must maintain momentum, continued forward progression.  Excuses are a convenient way of masking "I can't." They are a way of foisting off the blame on someone or something else. Robbing those excuses of that power means taking personal responsibility, it means owning the situation for better or for worse. Another one of those "things" on my list (it's an ever-growing and ever-evolving list, but I'm keeping track... trust me).

I hurt, but I accept where the pain came from, and why... and I choose to work through the hurt to continue my work day, and prep for League Scrimmage tonight. In theory, at least according to the Head Ref, I'll have an opportunity to both work on my NSO duties for the upcoming bout and get in a little Ref skate time too. To be honest, I get the butterflies a-flutterin' when I think of skating in a League scrimmage... because here I am surrounded by all of these seasoned vets (both Refs and Skaters), and in my mind I'm absolutely convinced they're just watching and waiting for me to make a mistake so's they can point and laugh or yell and rage and I'll be standing their with FAIL on my face. Hey, I've got issues, remember? I've already mentioned this. I know I'm not the only one learning, or re-learning. I know I'm not the only one bound to mess up, I know shit happens. That Little Voice of Insecurity in the Back of My Head (whom I often refer to as LV) has a very penetrating and intense voice; and is very good at planting self-doubts and fears and blowing them out of proportion. It is a lot of work for me to tune out LV... all of those "things" on my ever-growing list in some way, shape, or form were created or nurtured by LV; so LV has quite the arsenal to use against me.

But you know what?

Roller Derby is an awfully noisy sport... especially when you're right in the thick of it.

Pack your bags, LV...

**The first artist I heard perform this song was Susan Werner**

Serving Two (or Three, or Four) Masters

When you reach a point where you're heavily involved in multiple activities, you inevitably have to play the "Juggle the Calendar" game. You will have conflicts, some things will be missed in favor of other things, and for activities that involve things like practice, study, and diligence... there will be a lessening of quality. It is unavoidable unless you are a lucky devil in possession of a Time-Turner or a TARDIS... or even a mad tricked-out DeLorean. Sadly, I am merely a poor muggle of slightly above-average intelligence, stuck in this singular time and place... and so I am fated to play around with creative and ever-evolving time management.

At the moment I am actively involved in 3 activities, and trying to work the 4th back into my life after a hiatus for much of 2010.

There is, of course, Roller Derby... which is the main focus of this blog. Derby involves attending League practices, Referee Practices, League scrimmages & meetings, and additional training opportunities that are offered like clinics and intensives, etc.

There are also social and community activities, opportunities for members of the league to get together on a casual basis for various things (for instance, a group of people went to learn how to do Olympic Curling today... last night I was part of a "Learn to Knit" extravaganza)

There are Roller Derby bouts, both home bouts and travel to skate against other Leagues. There is production leading up to a bout (my contribution since last year has been constructing seat covers for the Penalty Box to identify who from which team sits where). On Bout day people show up at 2pm or earlier to do things like set up the track, set up the Merch table, the lockers, the seating, hospitality (food), etc. We are grass roots to the core, we do it all ourselves, we all pitch in. Generally after the Bout there is an after party at a bar or club somewhere, so we show up to mingle, let off a little steam, rehash the day, and so on.

I am also in a Coven. No, we don't wear black robes and stand around a giant bubbling cauldron under the full moon sacrificing babies and chanting in tongues... that's only for Halloween ;)  Seriously tho, the Coven has an interesting approach to how we practice... we come together at Full Moons (Esbats) and Sacred Points on the Wheel of the Year (Sabbats) and other moments special to Coven... and when we are apart we follow our own Path and honor Divine in our own way. Some members follow a Native American Path, some a Celtic Path, some a Buddhist Path, etc We embrace both our individuality and our unity.

Besides coming together for Esbats and Sabbats, we have business meetings once a month to go over things like the calendar of activities for the next few months, goings on in the Pagan community, planning and organization for activities we may be involved in (Coven has volunteered at Ronald McDonald House, Clean Sweep, Food and Clothing Drives, we've hosted a Health and Healing Fair, A Chocolate Festival, and have hosted Social Events like Craft Parties, Seed Planting Parties, and Camping Events). We are also expected to continue our Spiritual Growth through learning and study, so we will often present information to the assembled group, hold book discussions, and follow a basic "curriculum" of things relevant to a Pagan path.

I have been a member of RIT Singers since Spring Quarter of 1992. I had been encouraged to join since my freshman year, starting with my roommate AnnMarie, who was a member of the Chorus and would catch me singing in the dorm room. Problem is, I grew up with people telling me I couldn't sing. When multiple people tell you a thing over and over you can't help but accept that it could be true. It didn't stop me from singing, I just didn't sing in front of people if I could help it. 

That changed when I was in Air Force ROTC, at Field Training at Lackland AFB, and a rather intimidating powerhouse Captain (in a petite black woman's body) overheard me singing in my room while I was cleaning up and made me go to the chorus room and sing  with them. She would make me sing every time we crossed paths... that or do push ups. I hate push ups. So I sang.  Even then, it took me 2 quarters back at RIT before I got the nerve to go to Singers. 18 years later (wow, 19 come Spring Quarter!), here I am.

Singing takes work. True singing takes work. It's proper breathing technique, it's counting rhythms and knowing intervals and knowing words and pronunciation of words and loudness or softness and how mouth shape changes the color and feel of a word. It's understanding how to phrase a line of music, and how one section flows into another. It's about listening to the other parts around you and matching their sound and becoming one voice... which is insanely difficult, trust me. I didn't have any kind of background in music growing up, everything I do know about singing and music is from Singers, plus 2 different opportunities to take voice lessons outside of Singers (giving credit where credit is due, when I first started with Singers Ed was generous enough to meet with me once a week and play through my parts on piano, I'd record them and sing along with them, and he helped me learn how to sing... so I did get voice lessons from him as well).

And then, finally, we have the SCA. This is a General Hobby with a number of secondary hobbies contained therein. I won't list them all, because there are a LOT of things to do in the SCA and I'm not involved in all of them... but things I do as a result of the SCA include: costuming, fencing, calligraphy and illumination, beading & jewelry crafting, embroidery, singing, middle eastern drumming (tho not so much these last few years), heraldry (in my case, yelling things really loud for people so they can hear it... think of the "town crier" or someone who calls someone forward to have audience with the royalty, etc) and I'm sure I'm missing stuff.

There are meetings and practices for a number of these activities, there are events just about every weekend in one area or another (the Rochester group will be holding an event on Feb 26, info on the Rochester group, the Barony of Thescorre, can be found here: http://thescorre.org/)

To attend an event one is encouraged to at least make an effort to wear garb, as the SCA isn't a spectator event like the Ren Faire, you show up... you participate. So, you have to have something to wear, something to eat on, things to do (are you a fencer? need to have your fencing gear, armor, authorization. are you a scribe?  got your paints, brushes, pens, ink, etc? and so on).

So in my case, here are 4 time consuming activities that demand my time. I took a break from the SCA to spend more time doing Derby stuff... and preparing my move to a new residence last Spring. I would like to become involved again, because I miss people and sometimes events are the only way I get to see them.

To be eligible to skate in a bout (as a Ref) once I pass assessments, I have to have 50% attendance. I can make 2 out of the 3 weekly offerings... the Sunday AM conditioning, and the Tuesday Ref Practice. I can't attend the Thursday League Scrimmages (which I need to develop my Ref skills) because RIT Singers rehearsals are on Thursday nights.

Coven meets every 1st Sunday of the month in the morning, which means I'll miss at least one of those Leagues practices each month.

Somewhere in all of that, I have derby rules to study and absorb and understand how to translate those into Penalty calls...
Somewhere in all of that, I have music that I need to learn and internalize...
Somewhere in all of that, there's housework to be done, a cat to take care of, untouched yarn and fabric and beads and wire and books and a camera and all of those other neglected creative outlets...
And in the middle of all that is me balancing on a pair of quad skates and juggling my life as it dances about my head.

Right now I am having a personal debate about tomorrow morning's practice. the Conditioning practice is BRUTAL. Calisthenics, plyometrics, core and strength training, and skating drills. It's all to make for better, stronger, faster skaters. Even trying to do half of what everyone was doing, I was still in a lot of pain that following week, and really wasn't back to walking like a normal human being until Thurs night. I appreciate that other skaters and refs were telling me that that's normal, that's expected, that's going to happen... my problem is I can't afford for that to happen. It impacted my work that following Monday and Tuesday; my legs barely wanted to support my weight, let alone having to move a printer or computer tower or something.

So, I'm extremely daunted by the idea of doing this training... but I want to do the skating afterwards. I'm still stinging from my little "wake up" call on Tuesday and I want to get better. My issue now is, I also want to go to fencing practice on Monday night. There's an annual event coming up in 3 weeks that I'd really like to go to, and I'll be expected to fence. Yes, I would like to fence... but moreso I'll be expected to (sidenote: one thing I forgot to mention is that within the SCA I've received an award of High Merit for Fencing... as a bearer of that Award and Title certain things are expected of me, legitimate and perceived. I am now seen as An Authority, one whom others must learn from, etc... which is kind of a crock because I was no different the day before I got the Award but I now have different Status... so it's no longer just about me having fun ~pout~).

Anyway, if I go to Coach aTOMic's workout tomorrow, I more than likely won't be in any shape to fence on Monday night... and I don't have $$ or time to travel to Buffalo or Syracuse to attend one if their practices. It's bad enough I'm even thinking of fencing at an event with only 3 practices under my belt (the last time I touch my blades was probably September, maybe). However, I'm still very frustrated that I'm not skating as well as I want to... and I need this conditioning, I need this practice, I need this torture. I need more skate time.

High Hopes... or High Expectations?

So, here I am at the end of week 3 of my training as a Referee (Rules Training & Fresh Meat Skating notwithstanding).

Ok, here's the thing about me. In many areas, I take to things very quickly. I understand quickly, I get it quickly, I pick it up quickly.  For example: during rehearsals for an RIT musical the choreographer told me to do some dance thing, and when I told her I didn't know what it was she gave me this bewildered look and said it was a basic move covered in dance classes. I shrugged and said I'd never taken dance. She was shocked, assumed I had because I was doing so well with the steps.

Another example: in the SCA a bunch of us were hanging out in a parking lot at an event and there was middle-eastern drumming and dancing going on... I don't think I had my drum with me, and on a whim I threw my arms up and started dancing. No, wouldn't win any authenticity awards, but a passing fair attempt.

I have an aptitude for movement, I have an aptitude for rhythm. I have an aptitude for a lot of things... so I personally wasn't that surprised that it didn't take me long to get comfortable on skates again. Tho admittedly, it was an extreme boost to my often fragile ego to hear the praises and surprise from the vet skaters. I couldn't help but smile and feel a little giddy hearing that the vets were talking about me and wanted to "steal" me from the Referees.

Aptitude got me on the track... but it's going take so much more to keep me there, and that's insanely frustrating.

I realize I've only been at it for 3 weeks. I realize that everyone else (save the newbies) have been at it for a year or more already so of course they're going to skate faster and longer and stop quicker and see more of what's happening on the track (and off) and be more able to make snap judgments and fast reactions. Logically I know and understand that. The problem is, I am Miss Instant Gratification Girl and I need to have/know/do/understand now. And if I can't immediately do a thing well I will either abandon it for the next new distraction (like tatting), or beat myself up in frustration until I get it right.

Don't get me wrong, I don't gloss over or refuse to acknowledge the learning curve and putting in the time to practice... for instance in the case of tatting I took a class on it a few summers ago, bought stuff, practiced, practiced more, practice even more... and couldn't get past a certain point in my ability. It began to get frustrating enough that other things caught my interest and satisfied my need.

Ah, another thing you should know about me: I'm addicted to the "a-ha!" moment. No, not that really high note in "Take On Me," that moment when it clicks, when you're doing something and it makes complete and perfect sense and it becomes real. Like when I was teaching myself to knit (via book and YouTube) and decided to tackle knit & purl and all of a sudden this square of yarn in my hand looked like something knitted, like what you'd see on a sweater or a scarf... and it clicked... and I was pleased.

So anyway... back to training... I'm still low on the learning curve, and it isn't a bad thing, it isn't an unexpected thing. I've been told that I'm doing well so far, but I just feel like I could and should be doing better already.

Practice was mildly frustrating this week because I'm still not skating fast enough to pass the 25 [laps] in 5 [minutes]... I did 22 laps. We worked on identifying when skaters were in play vs out of play, who was part of the pack and who wasn't... and then practiced calling it with skaters in motion. The skill here is learning to judge people 10 ft and 20 ft apart not just by markings on tape [which may or may not be there, depending on the venue] but also by actual body placement.  We worked on whistling/skating/agility towards the end... dodging obstacles while skating at near-sprint and echoing whistle-blasts. I got lapped... a lot. My left knee got fatigued... was still fatigued from the 25 in 5 earlier in the night. It wasn't hurting, I don't know how else to describe it except fatigued... didn't want to support the weight of me leaning into my crossovers. The good thing... didn't have a problem with making sound from the whistle (tho I was dying for my Burt's Bees!!). I suppose that's something.

I hate making excuses, I don't want to be "that person." I could whine about my skates not being tied well (we were timed on "how fast can you gear up and get on the track), I could whine about the fact that it was day 2 of my period; which is the heaviest day and I am completely at the mercy of iron-deficiency... and a need to excuse myself randomly, I could whine about so many excuses... but the thing is excuses are worthless and make people give me "that look," and the reaction of needing to make excuses frustrates me. If I'm cycling during a bout, I have to cork it, suck it up and skate. If I'm called in last minute to skate as Ref, I gotta get my gear on and my ass on the track and adjust when I can.

I know it will take time. I'm not an athelete anymore, so I have an extra challenge of getting into better physical conditioning. You don't just jump up from the couch one day, go and run the Boston Marathon, or swim the English Channel... you have to build up to it. You have to train your body to be stronger, more flexible, more agile. I have to train my eyes to see, train my brain to translate what I see into applicable penalties and respond with the appropriate combination of actions. One doesn't just decide one day to strap on a pair of skates and a striped shirt and hop on the track and become Instant Referee.  I know all of  this.

...doesn't mean I won't still beat myself up over the fact that I can't. It's just who I am, it's how I deal. And yes, I know... I need a healthier way to deal.

Isnt' that what chocolate is for?

Oh Yeah, a Derby Blog... forgot about that

Way back in what, September? October? I created this blog; mostly to follow a couple of Derby-specific Blogs, and I half-joked about using this to blog about my Derby life.

This morning I had a number of thoughts and realized I did have a place for it; even if no one is reading... and I'm cool with that.  So, here we go.

Firstly, things you should know about me:

• I am 39 years old, will be turning 40 in May
• I am at the moment about 30 lbs heavier than I would like to be. The plus side (no pun intended) to that is that I have lost 35 lbs since 8/09 (I was right ashamed of my HS 20th Reunion pics)
• I am not in the best physical shape, by any means. I was fairly athletic in college, being in Air Force ROTC and all, and did the musical theater thing @ RIT and in the Community for about 4 years, and for a good number of years was an active fencer in the Society for Creative Anachronism (historical re-creation). Between spending a lot of time with a more sedentary group of friends, having abdominal surgery that took the better part of 8 months to truly recover from (had a "fruitbasket" of fibroids removed), and dealing with emotional downswings... I've lost a great deal of physicality
• I am all about instant gratification. If I don't immediately get something I either get extremely bored or extremely frustrated with it
• I am really good at beating myself up and being hypercritical of myself
• I have an intense need to feel like I "belong" that governs many of my actions and decisions
• I have felt bored and stagnant and dissatisified with my life for a goodly number of years. I miss feeling impassioned and obsessed with and invigorated by something
• I like attention, and am pouty and (quietly) tempermental at a lack thereof
• I am Pagan. I don't follow a specific path or honor a particular Pantheon... because I'm still exploring
• I am single, living by myself save an old but psychotic and loving cat

Why do you need to know all of this about me? Because these things have all contributed to (and continue to drive) my participation in Women's Flat Track Roller Derby.

I got into Roller Derby because of my former College Roommate, who goes by the Derby name of "Gravity Kills." Ironically enough, she was also the one who got me involved with the SCA 17 years ago. Gravity is a bad influence (said, of course, with love).

Well, since I was thinking about it... let's be specific. This has all become a blur, but I think it played out like this:

Gravity and I were trying to make plans to hang out; since life had us doing our own things and we were looking to reconnect... and she mentioned being involved in Roller Derby. Like just about anyone else born before 1980 I asked that question..."you mean like Roller Derby that used to be on TV on the weekends Roller Derby?? WWF on Wheels??" And I get the standard explanation of Banked vs Flat Track, Not staged, real hits but elbows, clotheslines, trips (and the occasional chair) were illegal, etc.

So, Fourth of July rolls around... and there's a bout that day. I post on Facebook asking about whether I should go to a Roller Derby bout or go chill in the park and wait for Fireworks and listen to the Radio's Musical Simulcast.  One of my FB friends goes on this tired about how her ex-boyfriend is dating one of those trashy Derby Beast girls (honestly, i can't recall what words she actually used, just the general sentiment) and that I shouldn't waste my time; do something cultural, etc. Yeah, guess what I ended up doing? Yep, attended my first ever Roc City Roller Derby bout.

I then went to the after-party that was also an annual party at one of the Derby Girls' houses in the South Wedge... and was both enthralled and overwhelmed. These were a close-knit bunch of wickedly awesome and fearless women, brash and bold and reflections of the Goddess in their own right. I found myself wanting to be like them, with them, one of them... and I truly saw the weak, shy, timid, self-doubting mouse I had become over the last several years... and it disgusted me. I didn't stay very long because I felt very out of place, but somewhere inside I decided I needed to find, dust off, and embrace that bad-ass I used to be in College.

Gravity invited me out to an Adult Skate night one night in November (I believe). This would be the first time for me on roller skates in over 20 years. I didn't do too badly once I got used to the ever-shifting balance points... and I didn't fall at all that night. I even tried turning around to skate backwards the way I remembered doing back in Jr High... after the 3rd time my knee informed me that I wasn't quite ready for that so I stopped. Still, I had fun... and realized how much I missed skating.

I used to live on my roller skates. When my dad and I lived in San Diego and El Centro all we did was skate (erm, and play soccer, and swim @ the beach and fish and drive down to Tijuana to buy illegal fireworks and... ), I will admit we were totally into the Roller Disco scene.  When we moved to Buffalo, almost every weekend I was at Arena Roller Rink from when the doors opened until they kicked us out... So, after 20+ years what a thrill to be back on skates!!

So after some conversation and berating and drinking etc, Gravity and I got to talking about Derby and I decided I wasn't brave enough (nor could I afford the injury) to skate in Roller Derby, so I spent a year volunteering as a Non-Skating Official. I loved spending the year mostly working the Penalty Box, playing up the Prison Guard Uniform Shirt (the Skating + Non-Skating Officials are collectively known as the 19th Wardens), getting to know and be friends with the Derby crew, and feeling a sense of belonging.

But, truth be known... I would watch the skaters and the Referees with a pang of longing... I'd find myself watching footwork and technique, watching and learning and understanding the game play not as a spectator; but as something "more."

This past fall I gave in and bought a pair of skates, an helmet and some pads (yay Healthy Rewards dividends!), and I went through Fresh Meat Boot Camp. My decision was to become a Referee... I'm not aggressive enough (or resilient enough) to play Derby... and there's just me in the house and getting a serious injury that keeps me out of work and laid up for weeks will destroy me and my meager life... I still get my skate on, I'd still be a part of the Wardens and a part of the Derby family... and I get to feel alive again. I see WIN across the board.

Apparently I did ok at Boot Camp because the vets who were helping out were in turns surprised that I could skate, eager to get me skating on a team, and plotting to steal me away from the Wardens when I declared I was going for Referee ;)

So here I am. A Referee in Training for Women's Flat Track Derby. We spent some off-season time (while I was skating in Boot Camp and in Fresh Meat (Roc Quarry) practices) doing rules training, and now I'm officially attending Ref Practices and League practices on skates.

There is a great deal I want to talk about; but I decided starting with a bit of background would be useful... so the story continues in other postings.